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:iconocean-whispers: More from ocean-whispers


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Submitted on
June 27, 2012
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i.

"are you sleepy today?"
"yes."
"but you were sleepy yesterday."
"i know."

ii.

she stirs her pomegranate green-tea until it turns from clear to purple
setting it on her bedside table and climbing back into bed again.
her fingers follow the bluer-than-usual constellation veins on her wrists and down
to the freckle on her forearm and then the scar on the inside of her elbow
crossing the tendon as if it were crux.
and then she remembered that God hasn't been with her lately.

iii.

today is long and sunny but when she steps outside the humidity creaks her bones
and her skin starts to inflame.
she assumes that if getting the mail is a struggle, having a child would be too.

iv.

often times when she sets her tea down she remembers that her Bible is in the drawer beneath
along with the crucifix necklace that her mother made her.

v.

her husband comes home late nowadays and she never questions why that may be
because she knows.
she would do the same too if she had a wife who took four different medications a day just to do the laundry.
instead she listens to him fall asleep right beside her and once she sees the gentle rise and fall of his chest she takes his hand in hers
and rubs her fingers over the bumps and knots that she once had memorized.
Edit: Thank you so much for the daily deviation! I was so excited when I found out that I jumped up and down. :D

Thanks so much to :iconnicswaner: for the feature and suggestion! :) I really appreciate it.

I'm so awestruck right now, thank you! :)


Also, thank you to all the new watchers and to the deviants who favorite this piece. :) I can't say thank you to all of you but I really do appreciate your generosity. :heart:

_____________________________________

this poem is for a contest that #LiterarySanctuary [link] is holding.

it's supposed to be about the month of June.

how could this poem be about June?!?! WHAT ABOUT THIS POEM IS JUNE-ISH? WAT.

yeah, i know it's pretty vague but i will explain:

"crux" (which is in the second stanza, fifth line) is a constellation that can only be seen in April, May and June.

the rest of the intended references are made in the first line of the third stanza. "long" - June has the longest days, "sunny" - June is very sunny (at least in TX), and "humidity" - in TX, June is very humid. (i don't go outside which is why i'm so pale)

that's honestly it, and i hope this is good enough for the contest!

thank you and good luck to everyone else that entered! :heart:

p.s.) i don't capitalize my poetry, i'm sorry if that disqualifies me. :(

p.s.s.) i wrote two poems in one night WOAH
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-02-08
:iconeearthe-mayge:
Eearthe-Mayge May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
This was incredibly painful for me to read.
It describes perfectly what I am afraid of becoming.
Faved because it's gorgeous and also because, I guess, I'm a masochist and want to be able to find this poem again quickly.
Well written, indeed. :)
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:iconocean-whispers:
oh thank you. :)
Reply
:iconsnowcoveredloyalty:
This is just amazing. Oh so many emotions there, so many. I have no words for just exactly how much I like this poem. It draws out so many emotional responses and is just beautifully written. I really like how different the first stanza is, and that it seems out of place at first but after reading through the whole poem it really does fit very well. That last stanza hits home hard.
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
Thank you so much. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Reply
:iconrosebfischer:
rosebfischer Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the well-deserved DD. I have rarely found literature I liked on DA--which may not mean anything to you because I am a complete stranger--but your poem is quite moving and well-written. My only slight criticism is the first stanza, which doesn't really flow well with the rest of it and made me keep looking back at it to see if I could figure out why it was hanging there. Someone else had a similar comment, so I won't belabor the point. Anyway, nicely done.
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
I am totally okay with suggestions -- thank you. :)

When I got that comment, I agreed, but I left it because I wasn't sure on how to fix it. I'll have to take another look at it.

Thanks again. :heart:
Reply
:iconrosebfischer:
rosebfischer Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. I'd just try to open with an image or emotion. What impression are you trying to leave with your audience there?
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
It's supposed to be how the woman isn't willing to do anything other than the everyday struggles she already goes through.

It's supposed to be her husband but, I'm not sure how to write in a husband's voice without making that part sound whiny or out of place.

I'm actually considering taking that part out.
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:iconthesquareroot:
thesquareroot Feb 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i agree that on its initial reading the first stanza may seem slightly erroneous, however after having read it once, i feel its meaning and depth multiplies exponentially. but i think the most amazing part of the poem is that it is equally as heartfelt, depressing, and life-affirming when read from the male perspective as well.
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
Thank you very much. That's actually really nice to hear -- men definitely can struggle from the same troubles as the woman in this poem, they're often not written about though.

Maybe I'll do that in the future!
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