Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconocean-whispers: More from ocean-whispers


Featured in Collections

Literature by froggits

Literature by Silverclaw6

Literature by Sutathewolf


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
June 27, 2012
File Size
1.5 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
4,415
Favourites
257 (who?)
Comments
68
×
i.

"are you sleepy today?"
"yes."
"but you were sleepy yesterday."
"i know."

ii.

she stirs her pomegranate green-tea until it turns from clear to purple
setting it on her bedside table and climbing back into bed again.
her fingers follow the bluer-than-usual constellation veins on her wrists and down
to the freckle on her forearm and then the scar on the inside of her elbow
crossing the tendon as if it were crux.
and then she remembered that God hasn't been with her lately.

iii.

today is long and sunny but when she steps outside the humidity creaks her bones
and her skin starts to inflame.
she assumes that if getting the mail is a struggle, having a child would be too.

iv.

often times when she sets her tea down she remembers that her Bible is in the drawer beneath
along with the crucifix necklace that her mother made her.

v.

her husband comes home late nowadays and she never questions why that may be
because she knows.
she would do the same too if she had a wife who took four different medications a day just to do the laundry.
instead she listens to him fall asleep right beside her and once she sees the gentle rise and fall of his chest she takes his hand in hers
and rubs her fingers over the bumps and knots that she once had memorized.
Edit: Thank you so much for the daily deviation! I was so excited when I found out that I jumped up and down. :D

Thanks so much to :iconnicswaner: for the feature and suggestion! :) I really appreciate it.

I'm so awestruck right now, thank you! :)


Also, thank you to all the new watchers and to the deviants who favorite this piece. :) I can't say thank you to all of you but I really do appreciate your generosity. :heart:

_____________________________________

this poem is for a contest that #LiterarySanctuary [link] is holding.

it's supposed to be about the month of June.

how could this poem be about June?!?! WHAT ABOUT THIS POEM IS JUNE-ISH? WAT.

yeah, i know it's pretty vague but i will explain:

"crux" (which is in the second stanza, fifth line) is a constellation that can only be seen in April, May and June.

the rest of the intended references are made in the first line of the third stanza. "long" - June has the longest days, "sunny" - June is very sunny (at least in TX), and "humidity" - in TX, June is very humid. (i don't go outside which is why i'm so pale)

that's honestly it, and i hope this is good enough for the contest!

thank you and good luck to everyone else that entered! :heart:

p.s.) i don't capitalize my poetry, i'm sorry if that disqualifies me. :(

p.s.s.) i wrote two poems in one night WOAH
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-02-08
:iconeearthe-mayge:
Eearthe-Mayge Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
This was incredibly painful for me to read.
It describes perfectly what I am afraid of becoming.
Faved because it's gorgeous and also because, I guess, I'm a masochist and want to be able to find this poem again quickly.
Well written, indeed. :)
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013   Writer
oh thank you. :)
Reply
:iconsnowcoveredloyalty:
SnowCoveredLoyalty Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
This is just amazing. Oh so many emotions there, so many. I have no words for just exactly how much I like this poem. It draws out so many emotional responses and is just beautifully written. I really like how different the first stanza is, and that it seems out of place at first but after reading through the whole poem it really does fit very well. That last stanza hits home hard.
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Reply
:iconrosebfischer:
rosebfischer Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the well-deserved DD. I have rarely found literature I liked on DA--which may not mean anything to you because I am a complete stranger--but your poem is quite moving and well-written. My only slight criticism is the first stanza, which doesn't really flow well with the rest of it and made me keep looking back at it to see if I could figure out why it was hanging there. Someone else had a similar comment, so I won't belabor the point. Anyway, nicely done.
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
I am totally okay with suggestions -- thank you. :)

When I got that comment, I agreed, but I left it because I wasn't sure on how to fix it. I'll have to take another look at it.

Thanks again. :heart:
Reply
:iconrosebfischer:
rosebfischer Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. I'd just try to open with an image or emotion. What impression are you trying to leave with your audience there?
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
It's supposed to be how the woman isn't willing to do anything other than the everyday struggles she already goes through.

It's supposed to be her husband but, I'm not sure how to write in a husband's voice without making that part sound whiny or out of place.

I'm actually considering taking that part out.
Reply
:iconthesquareroot:
thesquareroot Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i agree that on its initial reading the first stanza may seem slightly erroneous, however after having read it once, i feel its meaning and depth multiplies exponentially. but i think the most amazing part of the poem is that it is equally as heartfelt, depressing, and life-affirming when read from the male perspective as well.
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013   Writer
Thank you very much. That's actually really nice to hear -- men definitely can struggle from the same troubles as the woman in this poem, they're often not written about though.

Maybe I'll do that in the future!
Reply
:iconrosebfischer:
rosebfischer Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I assumed it was her husband asking if she was sleepy. If you leave it in, maybe you can try just some images to set the scene a little more solidly. Describe what the character sees and how it feels.
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconrosebfischer:
rosebfischer Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconmissdoppelganger:
MissDoppelganger Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student Interface Designer
this almost had me in tears this was so beautiful.
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
Oh, I'm so glad it's moved you so much. Thank you.
Reply
:iconmissdoppelganger:
MissDoppelganger Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Interface Designer
you're welcome. c:
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
I know you said you can't answer all the comments, but I just have to leave one.

This resonates with me so deeply. I've had weeks, months, like this before and this so perfectly captures the emotions. The bit about getting the mail, especially. The last part just broke my heart-- when I finished reading I said "oh my god" because it hit so deeply. I hope this isn't a biographical piece even though it's so fantastically written. I'm very happy to see this got a DD today-- you definitely deserve it. :)
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
I try to write poetry that incorporates my own experiences because usually that makes for a better poem. Also, its easier to do that because I know exactly how the character in my work is feeling.
I have definitely felt similar in some aspects to the woman in my poem, and I'm really glad it has hit home to others. We're all in this together -- in this bubble of empathy. :)
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013   Writer
You're right-- it does make for a better poem. I'm sorry that you've experienced something similar to the poem but it truly is a wonderful piece. I'm happy I had the chance to read it. :)
Reply
:iconkatira:
Katira Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
So subtle and powerful...
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconnoobhero2:
noobhero2 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
Haven't been back to this site in over 4 yrs coming back and seeing this?

Beautiful :):):):):)
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
Oh, why thank you so much!
Reply
:iconwaterygrave:
WateryGrave Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student General Artist
I really enjoyed reading this, even though it made me sad for the woman.
My favourite part was "she takes his hand in hers
and rubs her fingers over the bumps and knots that she once had memorized."
I felt that.
I'm going to read it again.
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
That's my favorite part of the poem as well. Thank you very much. :heart:
Reply
:iconultimatesketchqueen:
UltimateSketchQueen Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That was beautiful.
Very well-written-- I could easily visualize everything you wrote <3
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
That was my goal! Thanks so much. :heart:
Reply
:iconiluvart88:
iluvart88 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
great poem. congrats on the DD
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
Thank you.
Reply
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student Writer
That last one is so painful to read... but beautiful nonetheless. Congratulations on your DD! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
I appreciate your comment. Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome. :huggle:
Reply
:iconmacabreaustererelume:
MacabreAustereRelume Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
ow..... it physically hurts. It's just so emotional. Congratulations on a well deserved DD.
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much. :)
Reply
:iconmacabreaustererelume:
MacabreAustereRelume Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
You're very welcome, keep it up :) !
Reply
:iconrattus--norvegicus:
Rattus--Norvegicus Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student Photographer
As someone recently diagnosed with severe depression, this really speaks to me. It's really honest and really beautifully written. Thank you.
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
I'm so glad that this poem spoke to you in such a way. :)

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. :heart:
Reply
:icondarija-blue:
Darija-Blue Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
It is just sooo good. :rose:
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
Thank you.
Reply
:icondevianet:
devianet Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
Oops! I meant described, not de described! Tricky on a phone sometimes!
Reply
:icondevianet:
devianet Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
I really like what you wrote. Its perfectly dedescribed, not vague to me... it actually brought up a gentle tear to my eye. You seem to be right there with her and her tea, but you aren't. A graceful dreariness. I like it!
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much -- I can definitely empathize with the woman in my poem. :)
Reply
:icongoldstone-feng:
goldstone-feng Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
wthat the first mean..
Reply
:iconindigodragon13:
IndigoDragon13 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I thought it was June before you said it..
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
Interesting! :)
Reply
:iconmisslunarose:
MissLunaRose Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   General Artist
This is gorgeous! You're very skilled at telling a complex story through only a few words and images. :D

Congratulations on the Daily Deviation! :love:
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconmisslunarose:
MissLunaRose Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   General Artist
You're welcome! :huggle:
Reply
:iconthesilverbells:
TheSilverBells Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautifully written. <3
Reply
:iconocean-whispers:
ocean-whispers Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
Thank you.
Reply
Add a Comment: